Webster's Definition of Hell

The Alley n.

1. The place where we go, when we leave your table, to get your drinks, and your salads. (Yes, I know all about comma abuse.)

2. The place where we go, as a refuge, to bitch about you. exp. "This guy at my table, just yelled at me. For no reason. I'm sorry you had a bad day, but I'm trying to work. I don't come down to the bus station and slap the dick out of your mouth when you're working, do I buddy?"

3. The place where we go, to make fun of you. exp. "There is a woman out there with an ass the size of Hef's libido, trying to squeeze herself into a booth. Do you think we should go get some crisco to grease her up?"

You see it all in this business. Everything from a family of four, in which you are certain the parents share a few chromosomes at least, to the 60 year old fat slob, with a little asian girl in tow.

See, I work in a restruant that caters to the lower-middle class. Not that it's a bad job, all things considered, I love my job. I do have to deal with a lot of fucktards though. You know, the kind that are so fucked up, that even Jerry Springer rejected them. And when you encounter these random douche-nozzles, you have to have a place to go laugh about them. For me, and the 30-odd malcontents I work with, it's the Alley.

It's like a safe haven.

A port in the storm.

Sometimes it bears a striking resemblence to Adultfriendfinder.com

But all things considered, it's pretty much the coolest place on earth.

So remember that next time you bitch that your coffee is cold. Yes, I know you're 85 years old, and that you've scalded all the nerves out of your mouth by drinking boiling water, and battery acid, or sheep sperm, or whatever else the fuck it was you drank on the farm in 1925. I don't give a fuck. That coffee is 190 degrees, and all it's going to do is piss me off when you bitch about it being cold. I know it's not cold, cause I just burned the fuck out of my hand trying to hurry and get it for you.

We are a strange band of merry men, unified under one simple creedo:

Do not fuck with the people who handle your food.