Very simple. If you can't afford to drop at least a 15% tip when you go out to eat, then stay the fuck home. I don't like you. I don't want you here. You're eating up real estate in my life, and you're fucking up my world perspective. Yes, I know that in 1930, a quarter was a decent tip, and that you think you're being exceptionally magnanimous by leaving me $2.00 on a $60.00 check. Thank you so much! You're now my favorite person!
We only make $2.13/hr. That's what your tip is for, and a 15% is the bare minimum you should leave. 20% is generally more than enough to keep us happy, and we'll make sure next time you come in, that you have everything you need/want/could ever ask for. If you do insist on leaving that shitty tip though . . .
Eat a dick. That's all I have to say. Eat a big fat cheesy dick. I hope that some big burly bondage bitch named Helga ties you up, fills your ass with transmission fluid, and then proceeds to masturbate you with a cheese grater. That will effectively take you out of the gene pool. The last thing we need is you teaching your kids, that we're sub-standard people, working a sub-standard job. Most of all though, I just want you to feel pain.
On occasion, we get the really great people who offset the fucking neck-beard mouth-breathers I mentioned above. These are the ones who have worked in the service industry, or in a lot of cases they are just the ones who work a middle class job, and have to work for everything they have. I know that it doesn't *look* difficult to you, but our job is stressful. Mostly because of cock-knock assholes like you.
So that's it. Stay home. If you don't, I'll have Helga waiting for you with a funnel.
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