Rules of Conduct

Things you should know about eating in a restruant:

1) Servers are not responsible for your fucked up food. Bottom line. Don't take it out on me. I'll do my best to fix it for you, that's my job. But don't be a fucking douche.

2) Call me by my name. I wear a fucking name tag for a reason. Seriously. You call me by my name, and I'm going to be a whole lot nicer to you.

3) This is very important. If you are at a table in which I am not your server, then do not flag me down from across the fucking restruant. Especially when I've got a handful of dirty plates, and all you want is a spoon. Your server will be along shortly. HE is the one you're paying to be your bitch. Not me.

4) Server revenge. It happens. I've never actually done it, but I know of people who have. It *does* happen. And it happens to those of you who resort to personal insults. Take your entitled ass somewhere else. Maybe to the ER. With dysentery.

5) Coming in at 5 minutes to close, is the best way to guarantee your food is going to suck. The cooks are in a hurry to get out, and they aren't going to take care of your order the way they normally do. 90% of the problems I have with food happen in the last 30 minutes before we close. Also, if you DO come in, and I hang out for an extra hour taking care of you, then you need to tip me a hell of a lot more. That's time I'm losing with my kids, and if you sling me one of those $2.00 tips then I'm going to remember who you are, and next time we're going to make sure your dining experience is horrible.

(As an aside, I don't have kids. It was just an example. But many, if not the majority of us do.)

6) Do not snap your fingers at me. I have large knives, and kitchen shears at my disposal.

Bottom line is, as I've said, as has been reiterated through the ages in word of mouth, print, song, and movies:

Do not fuck with the people who handle your food, and you'll have a good experience.